The Life I Live
Posted 2 years ago by
It's been almost a year since the last I posted here. I hope you guys are all doing well. I am recovering from my prior story I told here. I'd like to thank the people on this site that tried to help me and encouraged me to do better with my life. i've seen several therapists in my life time, but none has done great for me. Today, I write to tell you all how I am doing. I am no longer seeking therapeutic help, nor am I seeking anything at all. Some say I have been cured; others would just feel apologetic towards me. I'm not asking anything of my readers, just a moment of your time and listen to my story.
When I sleep, I fall into a world where I am forced to relive a life I had once lived in the past. In that world, I am Native American, and a father, who ultimately loses his life trying to protect his daughter. Therapists have not been able to explain to me why I am able to taste, smell, or even feel pain in my dream; they tell me it's all abnormalities with neuropathy or my psyche. No one can explain to me why I know how deer, buffalo, or even acorn tastes like when i have never tasted any of those food my whole life; or how I know several buffalo recipes down to the fine details, or how to even skin a beast so its fur stays as one solid department. I'm able to explain to my mother how to make corn pudding without any modern tools; what's really odd is that I've never cooked a day in my life. I eat out all the time, or have other people cook for me. You can say I am spoil or was spoiled. I wouldn't call boiling Ramen Noodles or making sandwiches cooking. Heck, I don't even own a kitchen knife, only steak knives; but, I am able to explain in full detail how to prep game meat for the winter, how to use it's hide and make clothing out of it- I also know how to make certain weapons from sticks and stones! In the end, my therapists tell me my dream is only a dream, and nothing more. But I know it's not true. I truly believe it was my past life, or how the heck can I be having the same dream every night for the last 16 years now?
I've tried seeking shamans, but without really knowing how to find one, I'm at a lost. I've tried looking outside of modern therapy, but no priest nor monk can help me. Hypnosis only goes so far until I sleep, and a full reset occurs... It's okay, I've finally accepted my dream as part of my life and no longer trying to escape from it. Every time night approaches, I look forward to the life I had, and when morning comes, I'll know that at least I lived my life to it's fullest at one point in time.
I love this site, and I love all the stories on here. I wish I can continue to read all the stories here, but at best, I can only read until October. By that time, my sight would have deteriorated, my hearing probably useless, and my self awareness completely detached. From now on, I can only expect so much. I'm also going to be living together with my mother and sister again, so at least this time I can properly say goodbye. This is the life I lived, and it's also where it ends. I should have lived my life to it's fullest instead of trying to fight this dream, but everyone makes mistakes.
My name is Jared North, I'm 22 years old, and I have stage IV brain tumor. With so much therapy, I have no idea how it went undetected... I guess it's time for me to start living my life, so thank you for your time, and I hope you all live your life to its fullest.